The week before my twin boys turned 1, I was an emotional mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about their birth. I couldn’t stop remembering the emotions of our week in the NICU, so worried about my little boys. I mourned the normal pregnancy, normal childbirth, and normal newborn experience I would never have. I was also ecstatic because WE MADE IT! through the first (very hard) year. Yet I was still so exhausted, so tired, and so overwhelmed.
The week before my twin boys turned 2, I was emotionally strong. I finally felt like we had our heads above water, and having twins complemented our life rather than dominated our life. I no longer mourned for experiences I would never have because I loved our life. Our life finally felt normal, and things felt easier as the boys gained more independence.
My boys turn 3 on Saturday and this week I am an emotional mess. This is the first birthday I’ve realized how very fast time is slipping through my fingers. I see how limited my time is with my boys at home and it makes me sad because this has been an amazing ride. Usually I would try to get myself to snap out of it, but this feeling of life slipping away is helping me live in the moment and enjoy these times. In a short period of time, my babies turned into boys. As they turn from boys into adults, I want to be present in the moment.
Throughout my childhood, I clearly remember my mom crying on my birthday every year and I never understood it. I get it now, mom.