I don’t know what it’s like to have one baby. I’ve never done it. In many ways, I count myself lucky. Because a lot of moms (new or otherwise) looked at me with shock and fear when I said I was having twins. Clearly, they felt that no mere mortal could possibly take care of two babies at the same time. But I didn’t know any different, so I could only get so freaked out. And you know what? It has been fine.
But only knowing what it’s like to have two has warped my perception of all other people. For one thing, a phrase heard frequently in my house goes something like “those people with just one baby, what do they do with all that free time?” I know, it’s obnoxious, but I can’t lie. We think that way. We definitely also have romanticized notions about how much easier this thing or that thing would be if we only had one. I’m sure that I’d think life was plenty tricky if I had a singleton, but because I don’t, I can imagine how delightfully simple it would be. As Rebecca said so well this weekend, I totally get one-baby envy.
I also found myself, from about halfway through my pregnancy, kind of assuming plural whenever I talked about baby-related things. I forgot that most people only had one, that I was the weirdo. It’s a mindset that’s hard to shake. Oh, you mean you only bought one crib? Where’s your other carseat? You didn’t trade in your Honda Civic for a Toyota Sienna? No? Huh.
When I first mentioned this to my husband (M), he thought I was crazy. Maybe that I was being excessively self-centered or something, locked in my own little world. Oh, how times have changed. My stepbrother’s first child (my first niece!) is due in June, and I was putting together a care package of some of our favorite newborn essentials. I bought three good waffle-knit blankets for swaddling. M looked at me like I was nuts. “Why would you get three?” he asked. “That doesn’t make any sense. Then you only have one extra… Oh wait. Nevermind. They’re only having one. Huh.”
See? It happens to all of us. For as often as people look at you like you’re a freak of nature, or (I’m not kidding) laugh as they walk past you, it’s sometimes easy to forget that not everyone has two babies at once. For as many times as I’ve wished I could just pop in and out of the store for a “quick” errand, I look at people in the grocery store with the baby in the basket, and wonder who’s taking care of the other one. So, if I meet you someday and take a minute to mentally adjust that there isn’t another one at home with dad, please forgive me. I have a slightly warped sense of reality.
So, you’re telling me that most new moms don’t have two exersaucers taking up half of their living room? No? Huh.
Nope, some of us have 3.
Oh my, look at how little and cute they look!!!
First of all, those pictures are too cute. Secondly, I get where you’re coming from and you’re not crazy. I can’t imagine how “easy” it must be to have one baby at a time. I don’t even mean it’s easy to have a baby, but it has to be a different experience. I always get the “I can’t imagine how you do it” type of comments and my response is pretty standard “I don’t know any better.” This is normal for me. So even if I have a room full of four toddler beds, it’s normal… right?
LOVE IT!!!
Ha, so true!
I feel the same way. Honestly, I can’t imagine only hauling one car seat out of the house, getting one bottle ready, etc.
And can’t someone make an exercauser for twins? It really wouldn’t be that hard and I would have definitely ponied up for one!
I totally find myself falling into that trap.
A funny thing has happened to a close friend who is currently pregnant with her first. Since the pregnancy she was most familiar with prior to her own was mine, she finds herself referring to her peanut as “they” much of the time!
i’ve been thinking (and have already drafted) a similar post. great one!
I know exactly what you mean! I always think Moms of singletons have it made in the shade. I kind of picture them getting daily manicures and drinking mai tais to eat up all their copious spare time. Its funny, when a singleton Mom complains about the demands of parenting, she may as well be speaking klingon to me- I just do not understand. Very unfair of me, I’m sure, but what evs- my opinions are colored by my own experiences.
Yup. When I found out the woman downstairs from us was pregnant, I jumped on her, ‘Oh my God! Do you have family nearby that can help??? You need to buy everything NOW b/c you never know. Cook a ton of meals and freeze them NOW!, etc…’. I mentioned the whole thing to my husband and said that she had looked at me like I was crazy. He replied, ‘Um, that’s b/c she’s only having one!’
Great post. And brings to mind the key difference between first time Moms of multiples,
and the moms who have multiples as their second (or third) pregnancy, adding multiples to the older sibling(s) in the house.
I have very often wondered about the perspective of the FIRST time mom of multiples, so very true that a mom just would not know any different with multiples as the first pregnancy…
Multiples as a second (or other) pregnancy is another story. I was scared witless after that ultrasound revealed twins inside of me. My husband almost passed out cold. We KNEW the demands of a singleton, we had been there and we knew we would need superhuman efforts to handle twins. I became a planning and scheduling maniac overnight, and as my boys turn 2, I still know I’m in way over my head.
My husband and I have this conversation all the time, but now it has evolved to something along the lines of “Oh they just have one baby. How mundane.” We don’t mean it to sound snobby, we just like how full our hearts are.
Have you had someone you know (as in, not through the twin club) get pregnant with twins yet? Two babies, just like it’s supposed to be!
we totally have this conversation all the time and my husband has been caught more than once referring to “them” when speaking to a pregnant co-worker.
when my girls were 9 mo or so, a friend and I met for coffee and a walk. her son was 3 mo and we parked along a side street to the coffee shop. I had both my girls in the stroller with the diaper bag attached and had locked my car and she was still trying to open her snap-n-go. I just busted out laughing, like “how on earth are you still not ready?” But I think it’s just as difficult with one since you don’t know any better.
what I really don’t understand is how on earth anyone has more after the first round. singleton or multiple, but more so for multiples. what would possess you to think that was a good idea? again?! I live in fear of multiple multiples. (yikes!)