I picked this post to recycle because, at 26 months, many of these feelings still ring true. Maybe a little less powerfully and a little less frequently, but they are still there. Just this morning, with my mom in town, I took my little girl out running errands by herself. She had a blast. I had a blast. We had some special time together and hit five different places—my work, the post office, the library, CVS and Dunkin Donuts (for a treat for me (caffienated) and her (no caffeine). This is about three errands more than I would ever attempt with the two of them together. She was sweet, easy and charming the entire time. Not, perhaps, how I would always describe her on our trips out as a threesome.
So, I’m going to admit to the un-admitable here for a MOT. Sometimes I have one baby envy. Not that I don’t love my kiddos, because I do. Not that I have a baby picked out that I would choose not to have (at least not since Danny stopped waking up every two hours, ALL NIGHT LONG, to breastfeed. At six months). But, twins were never in my long-range plan. I wasn’t the little girl who thought having twins would be fun. I wasn’t even the newlywed who thought twins would be great. It wasn’t until I had experienced two years of infertility and a failed round of IVF that twins started looking pretty fantastic. That got me through the first nine months or so, saying things like, “I wouldn’t change this for the world!” and “Twins are so much more fun than just one baby!”. And it’s true, I wouldn’t. And they are. But…..lately I’ve been looking around and feeling a bit of one baby envy. A friend tells me about a trip to California site-seeing when their baby was 11 months old. Um, no thanks. I can’t even imagine the stress and lack of sleep that would occur if I tried that with TWO babies. (Props to those of you who might be planning such a trip). I see a couple out to dinner with their six month old. At six months, I was simply trying to survive. Besides, my kids melt down by 6pm—no dinners out for us. Friends start to talk about baby #2. Baby #2? We’ve GOT baby #2. And my husband begins yelling very loudly, “I can’t hear you!” with fingers in ears if the topic of another baby ever comes up. Mommy and me yoga. Baby swimming classes. Running into a store/friend’s house/work with one baby propped on my hip—no stroller or carseats involved. Getting a babysitter. Do you know how many teenagers are NOT into watching two babies? Shocking, really. 
And then my babies got sick. Not a little cold or an ear infection sick, but two weeks of every symptom imaginable, rotating through our household one by one. Vomiting for 12 hours (which my husband and I had the pleasure of experiencing as well), fevers (104.2 for Abigail), ear infection (Abigail again), probable pneumonia (also Abigail) and for the duration, clingy, sad, needy babies. Times two. Who ONLY wanted…yep, you guessed it…Mommy. Not Daddy, who is usually Abigail’s favorite person ever. Not my mom. Not the sitter. Me. It’s hard to hold two babies, much less comfort and care for two inconsolable little ones. All I wanted to do was let Abigail nap on me for two hours, since it’s the only place she’d sleep. But Danny needed to be held, and changed, and fed. So I would have to disrupt her, put her down, listen to her cry, while I took care of Danny. And then Danny would cry when I picked up Abigail. Fun times, really. So, I’ll admit it. The past few weeks, I’ve been pretty down on the two babies at a time thing. I love my kids. I’m so happy I finally got to have them. But, boy does that one baby only thing look fun sometimes. Especially when I’m juggling two babies in my arms, an iced coffee and a bag of groceries and I drop my keys. (Yeah, I think the neighbors watch out the windows all day just to get to catch amusing incidents like this). So, I’ve been in a pissy mood. And I feel even worse when I feel guilty about my one baby envy (made worse by a fellow MOT who said to me, while I was in the thick of it, twins are so great, I NEVER wish there was only one. Yeah, the mommy guilt really went nuts over that one. ) Of course, then I look at their cute little faces, or at them giggling with each other, and it’s hard to have one baby envy for long. It helps that they are no longer sick. The envy will will return at some point soon, I’m sure…….probably the next time I walk by a mom carrying her (one) baby out of Dunkin’ Donuts, happily sipping on the iced coffee she’s got in her other hand.
I feel envy when my friends ask me to do some activity by myself with the twins that is absolutely preposterous. Lately a lot more of it is doable but it used to frustrate me a tad.
Not that it needs to be said again but 99.99% of the time I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I do feel that way sometimes when I see a woman carrying her baby out of a store, or walking down the street with a single car seat. It would be really nice to be able to just grab your baby and go, rather than having to organize outings as if they were the invasion of Normandy…
But then I catch the boys laughing at each other and it totally makes up for it.
The other day I was at the grocery store, pushing my two in the tandem stroller in front of me, and pulling the grocery cart behind me (yes, just like a train), and I thought how much easier it must be with just one. Then I rounded the corner and saw a woman with two toddlers (maybe one 4 and one 3), each carrying their own shopping basket beside her pushing the cart with an infant (maybe 7 months) in the seat. Her kids kept pulling things off the shelves and she kept telling them to put the stuff back, all while trying to get what she needed and keep the baby from crying. Suddenly my shopping experience looked like a piece of cake.
Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. We have a 3 1/2 yo and the twins are 18 months. When DS was 18 months he could walk and I could carry him and he could walk some more. The girls can walk but in all different directions. So they sit in the stroller, a lot. We just moved to a city where most people get around using mass transit, but there are no elevators down to the subway. So I end up paying 15 bucks for parking while we got to storytime. Yes, yes… one at a time is SO much easier in so many ways. Then I think in a year or so I might be done with diapers. And yeah, the wrestling and hugging makes up for it too.
I have to admit I get “just twins” envy. When my 3 year old acts up the way only 3 years can–I imagine to myself how easy it would be if I just had twins. When the girls go down for their their naps, I could actually sneak a nap as well. This past week I tried to sneak a shower in while the girls were sleeping and I THOUGHT my son was hypnotised by a movie. Nope. He decided to turn on the kitchen faucet and spray down the cabinets. Gotta love toddlers! I know, I know, wait until the twins turn 3, then I’ll have my hands full.
I waited five years after the birth of my first daughter to get pregnant again. Surprise! Twins! I had no idea just how mobile I was with my first daughter. Now most things feel like insurmountable challenges. Vacations? Too difficult. A weekend away for my husband and I? Who is willing to watch three kids, two of whom are TWO and have severe food allergies? Not happening. Library storytime is even a challenge.
Having had one before, I can say one is way easier. Having had my two now, I can say the chaos level has risen to extreme levels. I just shut my eyes sometimes and think about a Thanksgiving dinner 20 years from now when all my girls will surround my table with smiles and laughter and when NONE of them will throw their food on the floor.
That thought gets me through. I love them all to pieces. It is just the grunt work (cleaning, cooking, diapers, picking up, repeat, repeat, repeat) that wears me down.
Yeah, I get one baby (one toddler) envy when a simple outing to a park ends with me hauling both of them out of there, sweating and desperate for another (safe) diversion. When one toddler dashes for the woods, and one climbs onto the high climber in danger of falling off, who do you rescue? Moms of singletons just don’t make those daily, hourly choices about safety and “who’s in more danger”. That is what amazes me as my boys turn two, the intensity of just keeping them occupied, safe, fed, and somewhat clean is all consuming.
I don’t have twins. But when I had 2 very young girls, I watched my friends who only had one move easily and freely about. It was so simple. Then I had 3. Now I have 4, still very young children and nothing is simple with so many little hands, ideas, and voices. It isn’t easy, but the exhaustive work is well worth it.
My husband and I like to split the kids up for weekend outings (I take one, he takes one). It sort of amazes me how much easier it is to take care of one baby at a time, amazes my husband, too. We get to fully enjoy some good one on one time that is super rare for the babies, and they do, too. It’s an interesting peek into a totally different life.
I’m only now, at 8 months, coming to some of the more tangible rewards of twins (other than getting to hold two babies at once when you give birth – which is pretty dang tangible). They seek each other out, smile at each other, hold hands and babble. Of course, I also have to keep splitting them up when my son decides that his sister is the yummiest thing on the block and must be eaten up, or my daughter decides that her brother is just the most awesomely snuggable thing ever, and he must be hugged close.
Give and take, man, give and take.
Thanks! I’ve have a week of sick and needy and was wondering when we supermoms were gonna admit it’s really hard some weeks!